Homesick

Hm I did not expect this to happen, already I do find myself quite homesick... So, I am writing this post hoping it may help clear my mind.

I think I may have made the slight mistake of expecting a little bit too much from my trip to Korea. I had imagined that my fellow Korean teachers would have greeted me with a warm welcome and that they would perhaps have gone a bit out of their way to make me feel at ease. Simple things, like perhaps providing me with some sort of temporary phone until I can rent one, showing me around town, asking me a bit about myself. I had hoped that I would not find myself sitting at lunch with them having to indulge in their personal Korean conversations and completely excluding me and taking no interest in my life. I had hoped that when I asked where I could get my camera fixed that they would go a bit out of their way to find out, instead of telling me to wait until the director gets back on Monday. I had hoped that they would have informed me earlier that I was welcome to come in earlier to school to use the interent and phone, and not after I had on Tuesday asked them if their was no way I could get a temporary phone. I had hoped that anyone and everyone would insist on showing me around and that I would not have to figure everything out on my own. I had hoped that the people in the street would greet me a smile everytime I smiled at them, instead of looking me up and down as if I actually were an alien.

I hope now, that I will not regret laying my negativity out here in the open. I do apologise for that, but this is after all supposed to be a recording of my own personal journey which right now seems to be a somewhat dire situation.

My homesickness began this morning when I had hoped that my mom's friend would have been able to come through and spend some time with me taking me to explore and showing me the ropes of living in Korea. Don't get me wrong, it is not her fault at all that circumstances prevented her from coming to my rescue. I had given her the Korean teachers cellphone number so that her Korean student could get proper directions, but as she had not answeared the phone they decided it was best not to come through as they had already tried to meet me yesterday but could not find my address. I was quite dissapointed as I had cleaned up my flat, bought extra mugs for my guests and even a few croissants and other yummy treats from this great bakery I found. I was very excited to see her. I managed to give her a call from one of the ESL teacher's skype and we decided that on Sunday I would meet her at Suwon station as she was eager to show me a nice market there (I forgot the name). I suppose I had just been very excited to spend the day with someone eager to show me around and bring some comfort. As it is new year most of the shops are closed and I have no idea what to do the next few days.

So instead I sat on my bed and cried my heart out and played the "What If" game in my head. What if I had just stayed at home and studied again? Or what if I passed up an opportunity for someone special, to sit in an apartment in a strange country? What if I should have just stayed at home, got married, had babies and try to be a good housewife and take cooking lessons? (Okay, I admit that last 'What If' was a bit dramatic, not going to happen, I assure you) But then, what if this feeling is only temporary?

I then stood in my black and white tiled bathroom, looking at my red teary-eyed face in the mirror and decided that this is exactly what I need right now. For once in my life I need to be alone and deal with myself instead of always running away from life's unpleaasant situations. For once I need to see something through.

So I decided to go for a walk around town. Well, I watched a movie on the tv first. It was the first time the thought of switching on the tv had occurred to me. And then, of course, I needed to wash my hair as the front door still seemed a bit intimidating. But, eventually I got the courage to leave my apartment.

I found a post office, a polie station and someone called Sir Ming Yeong's tomb (I think that was his name). The tomb was a bit boring. A simple tomb surrounded by grass and a fence. Not very exciting. And then I headed of to Dunkin's Donough for a hotdog and coffee. I pointed to the hotdog picture. The lady replied, "blah blah blah cream hotdog" I said, "No, just hotdog and coffee." She then said, "blah blah blah Espresso blah blah Americano?" I answeared, " Americano". I then received a hot dog with gerkins and onions. Quite tasty actually.

And now I am at my usual spot at the internet cafe typing a lot of useless information. At least I feel better. Maybe I will go and try find another english movie on the t.v. The ESL girls invited me to dinner in Seoul. But I think I want to be alone for a bit and then maybe Sunday I will go to the market with my mom's friend. And next week I hope to explore Seoul with a friend who is also teaching in Korea.

I hope I am not dissapointing my dear friends and family for being so unadventurous at the moment. I am sure this feeling of being stranded and alone and longing for home will pass...

Love, sunshine and peace